Monday, January 28, 2013

Love.


I eavesdropped on a conversation today. Not intentionally, of course. He was just sitting there on the phone talking to her. I could tell who he was talking to and I easily pieced together what was happening although I made it a point to not bring it up for discussion. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Relationships can be difficult. I've been through enough to know this. My first one was a romantic short story that ended with a spot of bittersweet tragedy. That seemed to have set the precedent. The next big one consisted of two halves - the first half being a romantic novella full of that promise of everlasting love, the sweet gestures, the beautiful moments, everything. It would have made you swoon, certainly. It was beautiful. The second half was the sequel that described the degradation of an aged couple struggling to hold on to an old love that was slipping away. It ended predictably - Heartbreak, betrayal, anger, plummeting depression, and ultimately the first few steps towards recovery. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Yeah. Pretty much that. The last one was somewhat simpler though. No complications, lots of maturity, a few precious moments here and there. It was boring. Things went too well all the time and most conflicts resolved too quickly and easily. It's a story where the protagonist ultimately cheats on his love and she's actually quite okay with it. And then he, as some form of courtesy, puts on a show of spiraling guilt but, well, he doesn't care either. They're both mature enough to understand that long-distance is a challenge, sexually, and a little bit of sleeping around is healthy provided there's no romantic connection formed. Thus, there is no conflict. And, of course, THAT was the fucking problem. I just couldn't give a single fuck about the relationship. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ These are the three big ones. There were more, but I won't dissect those. They're just not significant enough. What have I learnt in my dabbling with all these relationships? Well, for starters, I've discovered that, for whatever growth I may experience, I'm still pretty much the same person in every relationship. That's not evolving. That's just stacking little changes to a someone who's basically the same person making the same mistakes each time. I want to change that and that's on my list of things to do, for sure. _____________________________________________________________________________ But enough meandering. The conversation that I eavesdropped on. Y'know, the one I started this entire post with? Well, it was about this woman we know who's currently involved with the a guy who's like every other emotionally-retarded, immature jackass that she always winds up involving herself with. She hates him but hates the thought of being single more and can't bring herself to stop calling him. Any of you who are, or have known, women like this can put their hands up now. OH GOD, okay, hands down please. I can't count them all. Oh, okay, we're crowd-surfing now? _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Here's the funny thing about relationships. They suck. Mostly because there's no instruction manual and we really struggle to find that right someone. Yes, it's not a myth, there is someone out there for all of us but that someone is somewhere else going through their own shit and their paths may, or may not, converge with yours eventually. Don't buy into all the shit romantic novels feed you. That special someone isn't wearing a shiny halo that has your name on it. There's no scheduled time or date or anything that will tell you when and how you meet this person or why you're going to love this person or whether or not it'll be the kind of love you always wanted. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Hell, you could die alone in your hopeless quest to find that special someone. That's okay too. Seriously. The whole concept of love being endless and unconditional is a ridiculously unrealistic concept very heavily perpetuated by greeting cards and bollywood romcoms. The sad, very unfortunate, truth of it all is that love isn't permanent and it isn't unconditional. You love someone for some time and you make it work as long as you can, once the honeymoon phase dies, and then it you let it go when it's done. Maybe it'll come back, maybe it won't. When you're done loving one person, find someone else to love and repeat this process. The important thing to remember is that it's cynical and narrow-minded to abandon love altogether. It's the greatest source of happiness, sorrow, exhilaration, frustration, surprise, disappointment and every other emotion that really makes you connect with humanity and it's the sole reason for living. Love freely. Experience it as much as you can because it's the greatest experience you can have. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ And that brings me back to this woman. A woman choosing what's worst for her to have something that cannot be rushed or forced, and cannot manifest into a future husband just because she wants it to. Don't stop experimenting and don't stubbornly decide that you have a type that you can't meander from. Try someone new today. Go against your type and put an effort into it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and play against your type until you find a special kind of love that lasts just a little longer than all your others. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ The three big relationships of my love life had a lot in common but were also all so bizarrely different. Each time I was hesitant about committing and I don't regret any of them because, well hey, what's life if you stop adding to yourself right? I never liked plays, the theater, or dates that didn't involve alcohol. I never liked Kimya Dawson, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, or the concept of free love and happiness. I never got into workaholicism, the South Indian subculture, or the stoic position of parenting friends in need. Hell, I had even thought about whether these are things I did or didn't want and now I've imbued just the right amount of all of these things. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ When you play against your type, you develop yourself. You learn new things, you experience different things, you evolve. And evolving is such an important aspect of growing up. Hell, it's the best part about growing up. It's every story, every slice of wisdom, every fond memory that you get to share with the rest of the world. Don't deny yourself that. _____________________________________________________________________________
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BE BETTER. BE MORE. BE LOVED.
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