Sunday, February 17, 2013

I want to write a poem

I want to write a poem,
About an egotistic poet.
Writing about himself.
I think I could do it if I try,
But I’m so bad at this poetry game.
My poems don’t even rhyme.

I want to write a poem
About a megalomaniac poet.
Will someone tell me I can do it?
I feel so useless right now.
I can never find good endings for second verses.

I want to write a poetry.
But I use staple lines rather badly.
The poet who I write about will be awesome.
Maybe he’ll write about a really shitty poet.
Maybe he’ll even swear a litte.
Nah, I’d bet he fucking won’t.

I need a good title for my poem.
I suppose the poem ought to rhyme.
I heard that good poets don’t rhyme.
No, not all the time.
How many lines should a verse have?

The poet I shall write about will know.
Or maybe he won’t.
The poem shouldn't end abruptly.

Monday, January 28, 2013


I eavesdropped on a conversation today. Not intentionally, of course. He was just sitting there on the phone talking to her. I could tell who he was talking to and I easily pieced together what was happening although I made it a point to not bring it up for discussion. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Relationships can be difficult. I've been through enough to know this. My first one was a romantic short story that ended with a spot of bittersweet tragedy. That seemed to have set the precedent. The next big one consisted of two halves - the first half being a romantic novella full of that promise of everlasting love, the sweet gestures, the beautiful moments, everything. It would have made you swoon, certainly. It was beautiful. The second half was the sequel that described the degradation of an aged couple struggling to hold on to an old love that was slipping away. It ended predictably - Heartbreak, betrayal, anger, plummeting depression, and ultimately the first few steps towards recovery. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Yeah. Pretty much that. The last one was somewhat simpler though. No complications, lots of maturity, a few precious moments here and there. It was boring. Things went too well all the time and most conflicts resolved too quickly and easily. It's a story where the protagonist ultimately cheats on his love and she's actually quite okay with it. And then he, as some form of courtesy, puts on a show of spiraling guilt but, well, he doesn't care either. They're both mature enough to understand that long-distance is a challenge, sexually, and a little bit of sleeping around is healthy provided there's no romantic connection formed. Thus, there is no conflict. And, of course, THAT was the fucking problem. I just couldn't give a single fuck about the relationship. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ These are the three big ones. There were more, but I won't dissect those. They're just not significant enough. What have I learnt in my dabbling with all these relationships? Well, for starters, I've discovered that, for whatever growth I may experience, I'm still pretty much the same person in every relationship. That's not evolving. That's just stacking little changes to a someone who's basically the same person making the same mistakes each time. I want to change that and that's on my list of things to do, for sure. _____________________________________________________________________________ But enough meandering. The conversation that I eavesdropped on. Y'know, the one I started this entire post with? Well, it was about this woman we know who's currently involved with the a guy who's like every other emotionally-retarded, immature jackass that she always winds up involving herself with. She hates him but hates the thought of being single more and can't bring herself to stop calling him. Any of you who are, or have known, women like this can put their hands up now. OH GOD, okay, hands down please. I can't count them all. Oh, okay, we're crowd-surfing now? _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Here's the funny thing about relationships. They suck. Mostly because there's no instruction manual and we really struggle to find that right someone. Yes, it's not a myth, there is someone out there for all of us but that someone is somewhere else going through their own shit and their paths may, or may not, converge with yours eventually. Don't buy into all the shit romantic novels feed you. That special someone isn't wearing a shiny halo that has your name on it. There's no scheduled time or date or anything that will tell you when and how you meet this person or why you're going to love this person or whether or not it'll be the kind of love you always wanted. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ Hell, you could die alone in your hopeless quest to find that special someone. That's okay too. Seriously. The whole concept of love being endless and unconditional is a ridiculously unrealistic concept very heavily perpetuated by greeting cards and bollywood romcoms. The sad, very unfortunate, truth of it all is that love isn't permanent and it isn't unconditional. You love someone for some time and you make it work as long as you can, once the honeymoon phase dies, and then it you let it go when it's done. Maybe it'll come back, maybe it won't. When you're done loving one person, find someone else to love and repeat this process. The important thing to remember is that it's cynical and narrow-minded to abandon love altogether. It's the greatest source of happiness, sorrow, exhilaration, frustration, surprise, disappointment and every other emotion that really makes you connect with humanity and it's the sole reason for living. Love freely. Experience it as much as you can because it's the greatest experience you can have. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ And that brings me back to this woman. A woman choosing what's worst for her to have something that cannot be rushed or forced, and cannot manifest into a future husband just because she wants it to. Don't stop experimenting and don't stubbornly decide that you have a type that you can't meander from. Try someone new today. Go against your type and put an effort into it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and play against your type until you find a special kind of love that lasts just a little longer than all your others. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ The three big relationships of my love life had a lot in common but were also all so bizarrely different. Each time I was hesitant about committing and I don't regret any of them because, well hey, what's life if you stop adding to yourself right? I never liked plays, the theater, or dates that didn't involve alcohol. I never liked Kimya Dawson, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, or the concept of free love and happiness. I never got into workaholicism, the South Indian subculture, or the stoic position of parenting friends in need. Hell, I had even thought about whether these are things I did or didn't want and now I've imbued just the right amount of all of these things. _____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________ When you play against your type, you develop yourself. You learn new things, you experience different things, you evolve. And evolving is such an important aspect of growing up. Hell, it's the best part about growing up. It's every story, every slice of wisdom, every fond memory that you get to share with the rest of the world. Don't deny yourself that. _____________________________________________________________________________

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Introducing Random Variables

You ever get the feeling that any given point, someone around you is going to have an absolutely spontaneous bout of insanity and do something violent or destructive? I always worry I might be at the receiving end if someone, suddenly, feels an uncontrollable impulse to sucker punch someone upside the head and I happen to be nearest.

I don't believe in character consistency when it comes to people. I believe that we all, periodically, break character and do something we'd never usually do. It might be a random act of kindness from an absolute asshole. It might be sudden asshole-ish behaviour from someone you could trust. I understand that, after a point, people don't really change much from their core characters and personalities, but that doesn't inhibit them from doing something uncharacteristic when you least expect it. It's basic human nature to constantly allow changes, no matter how temporary or how radical they may be. There's an exception to every situation and, given life's sudden situational challenges, everyone will make an exception to their own set of rules and principles.

Then again, maybe that's just me. I like to be as uncharacteristic as possible, which is fun because it means that I potentially become harder and harder to predict. Or I'm steadily becoming predictably uncharacteristic. In either case, I get to experiment with my personality and that's fun because it helps me learn more about what the kind of person I'd want to be. I mean, who wants to be normal? I have a theory that there exists a group of insane people who are only insane because they're so bored of being normal. Anyone can be normal. Anyone can have a large set of normal characteristics and personality traits and my argument is that they're the dullest people to talk about. I think everyone, regardless of age, should pull one hilariously child prank just because they're great sources of stress-relief and make hilarious youtube videos.

I find it easier to deal with life when I treat every new challenging twist or turn as a story to be told. And life will give you many stories. Stories you will reminisce over and fondly wish you could relive. Stories of great loss and suffering followed by an inspirational quip on how you got through it. Stories you can share with when someone needs a little empathy. Ultimately, life will hurl unexpected challenges your way but the best way to take it is to include it as another interesting episode in the story of You.

Also remember that there are no definitive blacks or whites in your life except the ones you make for yourself. Your opinions, morals and personal principles decide your own parameters for what is right, what is wrong and what exists in the moral middle-ground. Or, for some of you, whether that moral middle-ground even exists. All values, be it the simple ones like sharing and helping those in need, to minding your p's and q's are entirely subjective and differ to person to person. Know your blacks and whites and allow them a certain amount of room to adapt to your own constantly changing points of perspective.

There's no absolute correct way to live. Everyone has regrets, even if we've convinced ourselves that it's pointless to hold onto regrets. Logically, there's no point trying to will something away from our past because it will forever remain there. But, at the same time, we're not purely logical beings. A large driving force to all humans alike is emotions and it's our emotions that develop that heavy sense of regret and guilt for actions done or not done. It's how we function and there's no pointing fighting it. All we really do is decide how the compilation of our achievements, regrets and aspirations will mold us. Can we make the best of the worst situations? Can we accept all good fortunes with a grain of salt? Can we best our prides or be proud of our best?

I could say that the choice is yours but not choosing would be a choice in itself so, really, do whatever the fuck you want and follow that path taken. Imagine your life to be a car accelerating away and your breaks are mysteriously unresponsive; the only thing you really can do is steer.

That's all for now. I have an episode of How I Met Your Mother to catch.
See ya later, masturbator!

DISCLAIMER: All images seen above are from Google Images, Cyanide and Happiness, xkcd, or somewhere else. I take no credit for the creation of these images. If any offence was taken by the given content, either to your race or to your face, all I have to say to you is this: Tough Titties. That is all. Unless, of course, you liked it then many thanks for reading it and remember how much less I hate you for it! :)

Thursday, September 15, 2011


A large number of us seem to fail taking perspectives into consideration whenever we judge anything. Sure, it's great to have convictions and individual opinions. But what value do those opinions have if they were solidly built on the evaluation of a singular perspective? That's the equivalent of looking down a one-way street where traffic is coming from behind you and saying "Oh look, no vehicles coming at me. Obviously I can walk on freely without having to worry about getting hit."

Now, I turned atheist by the time I turned 11 when I actually started to question the religious views I was conditioned to follow. Progressively, I became a fanatic. Why can't everyone be an atheist? Isn't the most logical, obvious solution? Why choose to follow the idiot path? It took a little while before I went back to questioning my own views AGAIN. It's when I boiled down to the simplest conclusion that while I may continue to believe in the almighty non-existence of the almighty and scoff now and then at the occasional religious fanatic trying to sell Jesus to me, people will have their own set of beliefs and they wouldn't be wrong for it. Even the most bigoted, narrow-minded, homophobic neo-nazi has his own perspective that we need to consider before openly criticizing him. Sure, you wouldn't want someone bullying your personalized set of principles into a corner, but understanding perspectives can help you identify your own perceived problem/solution. Maybe the neo-nazi's a frightened child who is the way he is because a liberal homosexual jew touched him inappropriately or broke his spirit. Maybe he's actually right about liberal homosexual jews being the corrupting influence on society. Or maybe his perspective is completely off or singularly directed. How would you ever know though? You're approaching his perspective with a counter-perspective and are, thus, about as narrow-minded and bigoted as he is. Your most common brand of atheists usually annoy me. They defend atheism with strong attacks against structured religion. It's at that point that it stops becoming atheism and begins to develop into a form of anti-theism.

Honestly, how are you anti-theists any different from your same ass-backwards religious fanatics who've decided non-believers of superheroes and their book of fairy tales is going to put you on to the path of fiery torture and chaos? The usual response I get is usually along the lines of "I'm right, you're wrong."

Come, now, children. That's how I won fights back in the third grade. And at least then it was the most perfectly logical defence to any possible argument you could possibly have had. But when you begin to have arguments whose logic is asserted around the solid and unshaken "because I said so" then you know that not only have you stopped making any coherent sense but you're also resorting to your opponent's line of logic, which is also averse to sense.

You want to judge a drug-addict? Try doing drugs yourself before questioning it's dirtiness. You think suicidal people are selfish? Put yourself in a position where you can definitely expect years of hatred, depression and resentment flowing your way and see how long you last before being tempted to off yourself. Judging anyone for a supposed bad habit that they have? Take a look at your own life and your own bad habits that you have and question why you can't change them. Some situations may have a right and wrong path, but unless you actually put yourself in those situations or at least attempt to view things from that perspective, you will never be the right person to judge. It's okay to be judgmental. Just be careful about letting the whole world know how against you are to something, lest someone point out how hopelessly broken you are yourself.
Some of us can change. Some of us are too rigid to allow any change. Some of us can make the occasional concession. Don't bully other people to change their ways if you're about as defensive about your flaws. Don't force an intervention on someone who has enough ammo to render you uselessly imperfect.

Bottom line, be capable of evaluating everything from every perspective before bull-headedly deciding how things are going to be. If you're going to judge someone, be damn sure of your own flaws and faults and where you would stand if you were being judged. If you're faulty, accept that you're faulty, or make a conscious effort to be less faulty. Just don't marry your faults. That'd be base idiocy. Jus' sayin'.

All I have to say for the time being.
Btw, Harry Potter spent all his time magicking baddies away that he had no time to do his classwork. The following is the from the uncut version:

Sunday, July 17, 2011

My Musings on a Sunday Afternoon

I do this thing when I'm on the street and bored.

I look at people and wonder what they're exact thoughts are probably. I wonder if the man selling cigarettes is thinking about going home to his roommates, watch cable tv and sulk about rent. I wonder if the pretentious teenager is thinking about watching some campy bollywood flick with his group of even more pretentious teenagers. I wonder if the young intern is wondering when his long-promised promotion is due or whether he'll ever find a girl to marry.
I make odd presumptions sometimes. Like an angry-looking old man's probably pissed because his wife is going to cook him something that tastes like feet, or if the laughing kid on the phone is talking to chick he has a crush on.

K, so I ramble a lil.

It bothers me sometimes that people don't consistently question their realities. I tend to feel like I'm in some odd multi-genred television show with a hidden audience. I'm the jerky fourth-wall breaker who constantly points out that he's really just a character. I mean, come on, don't you ever question how dramatic or scripted your life starts becoming when Life throws in some surprise characters, introduces breakout characters, removes the unpopular ones that audiences didn't respond well to? You have guest stars playing the role of an occasional eccentric character who livens up an episode of your life or to further explore the lead's history, personality and complexity. Right now I feel like my show needs a reboot. A lot of characters are starting to get recycled or are losing their appeal or freshness. It's sad that real life doesn't neatly wrap up loose ends and conclude story-lines. But I guess, it depends on who writes it. And my lead needs a serious makeover, at the moment.

Patterns. Ever pay attention to curious little patterns in your life? It's full of them. You're constantly put into so many perspectives in so many different situations. One day you're bitching about being fired from a job and how heartless your employer is and the next you're bitching about how you have to fire someone and that you don't mean to but you don't have much of an option. And then certain patterns repeat themselves as a means of testing whether you're likely to do the same thing twice or to test if you've learned anything from the first time. Or it repeats with different roles to see if you could have played the role any better. It's fun and interesting like that. Recognize the patterns in your life so you can define yourself better as a person. Know how much of a hypocrite you are or how strong your principles are grounded. Learn a new perspective by realizing you're in it. Understand any individual's position by placing yourself in a similar situation. It builds character and concretely decides how much you're evolving as a better human being.

I like how new connections seem to form. It's amazing how quickly a new friendship or love can rise from a completely random encounter. I've always kinda noticed that I find love or a great friendship when I stop looking for either. I think when we stop looking, we find our way. We don't try too hard or put ourselves out there too needily so we find what we're looking for when we stop looking as hard. Because, in essence, good friendships and fond loves are formed naturally and you can't force them no matter how much you want to. You can't force someone to fall in love with you or force yourself to fall in love with someone. You can't always rationally predict where your heart's going to lead you because it doesn't function like that. And that's something you just accept as one of the better reasons for living. It's unpredictability. Your heart will walk you into potential death traps but it's the only thing worth taking a risk for, because if you don't, what are you really living for?

And as a final conclusion to these random strings of unconnected irrelevant snippets of pseudo-wisdom, allow yourself to be completely and wholly miserable and happy at the same time. It's usually the best way of knowing what you really want from life and with enough stumbling and trip ups, you'll figure how to get them too.
Retreat to your exits, kids.
Agents are coming.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Our Fictional Lives.

God, I missed blogging!

So for my first blog entry in my year-long hiatus, I'm going to muse upon life, drama and all the experiences in between your entry into the world and your exit out of it.

You ever wonder how experimental you're willing to allow yourself to be? I mean, here's the thing. It's an age-old saying that you only live once and you have to do everything you can in your allotted time slot on this planet. But how many experiences can your really play with without having your own inhibitions or external restrictions stop you? I mean, not a lot of people get to have near-death experiences but if you seek to have it, you're either going to die prematurely or survive without feeling anything grand or life-changing. I mean, face it, movies and tv shows have dramatized everything so much that we when we actually get to have our tv drama 'moments', you notice the lack of appropriate background music, missing lead characters and a serious lack of editing.

But then, that's where life gets more interesting than drama. You get to really experience the difference between the two and understand that there is no neat wrapped up ending to chapters but just interlinked continuity of more chapters to follow. You're still going to think about your grandfather who died even though he died months ago and your grieving finally stopped. You're still going to flashback to your better or worse moments with the ex that ruined you even though you've completely and wholly moved on. A victory in your workplace is momentous and climax-worthy but you realize that there's a lot of cuddling and post-coitus cleaning up to do in order to turn that victory into an overall turning point in your life. And just because someone's forgiven you for something doesn't mean they've gone ahead and forgotten about it. A tv show is anything from 20 minutes to 60 minutes long. A movie is roughly 90 minutes to 200 minutes long. Seasons, sequels and reboots eventually end. Life, however, and every episode of it that you run through is as long as you have it. And you're the constant viewer to the events of your own life. This means if your life were a grand big movie franchise or a classic tv series, you'd be the lead character, director, editor, viewer and reviewer of it all. And your series would never get cancelled until or unless your ability to think gets halted by a minor bout of amnesia, death, brain-vegetation, death, a coma you can't wake up from or even death.

Expand your limitations. Try everything. And I don't mean the ridiculous stuff like weed and pissing out of a moving car, which ANY lazy bastard would put on his bucket list. Cheat on your girlfriend. Pick a fight with an opponent who's eight times larger than you. Experiment with failure and combating it. Jump into a relationship with someone who you're in love with but is loaded with complications that would make the relationship doomed. Know what it's like to really put yourself out there. Talk to a random stranger on the road and ask him what he had for breakfast today. Try to learn six new languages roughly enough in a short time frame. Kick an unhealthy habit cold turkey, just to see how long you can do it. Get lost and explore areas you'd never otherwise venture into. Know what it's like to be absolutely self-less even when it's inconvenient to do so. Go bald. Get a tattoo. Get a bald chick with a tattoo.

People can set their paths and follow it, and that path can define them for life. And that's fine for the most part because we need that sense of stability and direction in our lives in order to survive. So broaden your horizons as much as possible. With that I leave you with a hi-ho and an Elementary Watson!

That's all folks.