I look at people and wonder what they're exact thoughts are probably. I wonder if the man selling cigarettes is thinking about going home to his roommates, watch cable tv and sulk about rent. I wonder if the pretentious teenager is thinking about watching some campy bollywood flick with his group of even more pretentious teenagers. I wonder if the young intern is wondering when his long-promised promotion is due or whether he'll ever find a girl to marry.
I make odd presumptions sometimes. Like an angry-looking old man's probably pissed because his wife is going to cook him something that tastes like feet, or if the laughing kid on the phone is talking to chick he has a crush on.
K, so I ramble a lil.
It bothers me sometimes that people don't consistently question their realities. I tend to feel like I'm in some odd multi-genred television show with a hidden audience. I'm the jerky fourth-wall breaker who constantly points out that he's really just a character. I mean, come on, don't you ever question how dramatic or scripted your life starts becoming when Life throws in some surprise characters, introduces breakout characters, removes the unpopular ones that audiences didn't respond well to? You have guest stars playing the role of an occasional eccentric character who livens up an episode of your life or to further explore the lead's history, personality and complexity. Right now I feel like my show needs a reboot. A lot of characters are starting to get recycled or are losing their appeal or freshness. It's sad that real life doesn't neatly wrap up loose ends and conclude story-lines. But I guess, it depends on who writes it. And my lead needs a serious makeover, at the moment.
Patterns. Ever pay attention to curious little patterns in your life? It's full of them. You're constantly put into so many perspectives in so many different situations. One day you're bitching about being fired from a job and how heartless your employer is and the next you're bitching about how you have to fire someone and that you don't mean to but you don't have much of an option. And then certain patterns repeat themselves as a means of testing whether you're likely to do the same thing twice or to test if you've learned anything from the first time. Or it repeats with different roles to see if you could have played the role any better. It's fun and interesting like that. Recognize the patterns in your life so you can define yourself better as a person. Know how much of a hypocrite you are or how strong your principles are grounded. Learn a new perspective by realizing you're in it. Understand any individual's position by placing yourself in a similar situation. It builds character and concretely decides how much you're evolving as a better human being.
I like how new connections seem to form. It's amazing how quickly a new friendship or love can rise from a completely random encounter. I've always kinda noticed that I find love or a great friendship when I stop looking for either. I think when we stop looking, we find our way. We don't try too hard or put ourselves out there too needily so we find what we're looking for when we stop looking as hard. Because, in essence, good friendships and fond loves are formed naturally and you can't force them no matter how much you want to. You can't force someone to fall in love with you or force yourself to fall in love with someone. You can't always rationally predict where your heart's going to lead you because it doesn't function like that. And that's something you just accept as one of the better reasons for living. It's unpredictability. Your heart will walk you into potential death traps but it's the only thing worth taking a risk for, because if you don't, what are you really living for?
And as a final conclusion to these random strings of unconnected irrelevant snippets of pseudo-wisdom, allow yourself to be completely and wholly miserable and happy at the same time. It's usually the best way of knowing what you really want from life and with enough stumbling and trip ups, you'll figure how to get them too.
Retreat to your exits, kids.
Agents are coming.
